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Kid Lobo

by Aleph Eris

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1.
01:34
Tell my friends I can't take anymore, of myself I'm not a master. Me and myselves, we always battle, and my lungs rattle when I go to sleep and when I wake up and throughout the day what's with decisions i make? I used to like most of myselves now there's a few I'd like to kill. I used to be humble, now I'm faltering courtesies. And I stumble through thoughts and through speech and can't hide anxieties. I'd go to my room, but I don't have one. Maybe some day soon...
2.
02:19
You're not stuck, "back of the truck dumb fuck" is today's mantra, get me and Turok the fuck out of California. I'm sick to shit of smoking weed and feeling satisfied doing nothing. I'm sick to shit of pseudo-enlightened pricks and rich punks telling me to watch my tongue. If I don't want to be another parasitized host I need to get me the hell off the west coast. You're not that bitter, I swear, you care more than you don't care. Back when 6 packs and blunts made us laugh, and now we just sit and stare. I'm sick to shit of drinking beers, feeling satisfied 'cause I did something in other years. If I don't want to be an old version of myself... I was that, now I'm this, now I'm out.
3.
It's ten in the morning, I've already had a beer, I think I'll drink the remaining five. I broke an E-string, I can't afford another, I wrote this song with the remaining five. I can't afford food, I can't afford my ride, I'm only happy when I'm outside. My time is wasted, and I am too. I want to smoke weed in a tunnel with you. I want to smoke weed in a tunnel with you, I want to lose this part of me that thinks that nothing is cool.
4.
01:49
Headaches, sore back, 25, I should change my step. Dead ends--hop the fence. Dead friends keep me wondering. "Sunshine plays a major part in the day time." I'm not a lot of things, but I'm a few that I like to be. When there's firelight, when there's fireflies I feel alive. When there's streetlights, when there's street signs, I always feel I'm about to die. I'm not what I thought I'd be. When I turned 23 I knew the world was escaping me, and no, I'm not a lot of things, but I'm a few that I like to be.
5.
03:05
What do I know? A few things I suppose. I can get lost like a motherfucker. And where do I stand when I can't decide on a continent or sand body? I think I'm in love with the idea of somebody again. I incubated maggots drying mushrooms, sometimes I think I know a lot but I don't know. All of my money for gas is in the past, how will I get to where I'm going? I don't know. Straight up I feel like a whirlpool, always sucking and spinning and drowning. I'm a stupid on top of the world fool, I get excited when things don't go my way. I hear every time we remember we invent our memories anew, that's why I'm working on forgetting to keep my memories true. Straight up I feel like a warrior turned traitor about to kill myself. Is there any honor in killing Connor myself? I'm addicted to fresh air, and I'm addicted to smoking out my lungs, sometimes I think I know a lot but I'm wrong. Whoa-oh-oh sometimes I think I know a lot but I don't know.
6.
01:48
The bricks, they've been turning yellow. And my life is a worn down bottle. Someone find a treasure map and put it in me, Find the ocean to swallow me. Someone find a treasure map. The cliffs, they're castles in my mind. When sleeping I can see better than waking. Someone find a treasure map and put it in me, Find the ocean to swallow me. Someone find a treasure map.
7.
02:03
I don't think I'm losing strength, but I might be, but I might be. I don't think like I used to, I don't write like I did, I don't write like I did. I don't think I'm missing out, but I might be, though I might be. But you're dumb shit when you're wasted and I don't like what you did. Don't pretend as if we're friends.
8.
02:21
I'm drunk on something other than booze for once. Is life giving me a break? When will it take it away? I'm pretty used to losing things, I don't hold onto much these days. I'm pretty used to losing things, fuck it I'm in a daze, I want to stay this way. Tell me something I don't want to hear, I thought I killed this parasite of attachment. I'd blow a 0.2 without any beer, I think such stupid shit at the sight of you laughing. I'm pretty sure I'm losing it, I'm cracking up, I'm inventing you. That's it--I'm dead, you're my anima merging with me as we both fade into the Truth, whatever information hides between our cell walls. The walls of this cell, we're imprisoned in selves. Explode with me, I'm nothing, we're everything. I'm pretty used to losing things, I don't hold on to much these days. But you're pretty good at holding me, fuck it I'm in a daze I want to stay this way.
9.
02:36
I'm dumb, I know, but I swear that I'll try not to care that you think I'm dumb. I said "that's tight," -- the Leftöver Crack sticker on your bike. You nod your head, but don't even look me in the eyes. And that's fine that you don't care, but you don't care if I do. And that's fine if you don't care, but you don't care that I do. What can we even talk about? Have you read --? No. Did you hear --? No. Well anyway, cool shirt, nice shoes, sick hat. And I guess we'll leave it at that And you'll go smoke and I'll go drink and you'll go drink, and I'll tell everyone what I think way too loud.
10.
There's a planet in the sky, it doesn't twinkle like the stars. I guess nothing's very close or very far. In the elder bush there's a faery, there's one in the rosemary-- beckoning borders beyond the fields we know. There's a quivering in my periphery and I'm forgetful as I walk by. There's eyes that are breathing, and mouths opening in the sky. And I'm not afraid to die, I already thought I did. My friends beat me there so I don't care, I feel equipped. There's no below, there's no above, there's a force that we mistakenly call love. And of course there's a lot to seek and not a lot of sense. What can we know but through direct experience? So I'm not afraid to die, I already thought I did. My friends beat me there so I don't care, I feel equipped.
11.
03:49
Count the days 'til everything goes away, You're smart and you're kind and you're fun but you're not the only one. Let's whip ourselves with nettles and cut off our hands, embrace the stings and mettle in some bloody stubby land where nobody has their hands so nobody's handless and there's no reason for handles, all doors push.

about

Aleph Eris presents Kid Lobo

credits

released May 1, 2020

Connor Smith - vocals, guitars, bass
Matthew Longoria - drums, vocals on Something About Space
Irys Kornbluth - vocals on Something About Space
Maxwell Citron - synthesizers

Recorded by Gary Arnold at Gary's Chop Shop (NYC)
and Maxwell Citron at Noh Place Farm

Mixed by Neil Strauch
Mastered by Maxwell Citron at Mount Chicago

HOMHOMHOM 2020
Records of The Eternal Now

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Aleph Eris Montezuma, New Mexico

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